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Energy suckers or zappers wearing you down? Indulge in my light warrior comic strip it’s got some good juicy bits and it’s fun!

THE END! (for now)

The New Beginning ….. Elizabeth Lindsay is proud to announce that she is now working as a clairvoyant spiritual light-warrior and counselor at  www.12listen.com Elizabeth Lindsay is a creative soul whose life journey and passion has evolved into helping others empower themselves. Elizabeth has the innate ability to tune in and tap into your spirit guides and energy to offer clear concise answers and tools that give you a fresh perspective as well as raise your vibration. Elizabeth’s goal is to always help you get unstuck, move forward and leave her company feeling confident in the knowing that you are honoring yourself and your soul’s growth.  Be it a need for clearing a vibrational blockage, a quick answer, or an in-depth dive into the realms of possibilities she will help guide you into your personal power and strength.

The “hook” always belongs to you never them. The trick is to realize you’ve been hooked and “unhook” yourself. We all do it! We get caught in needing to be right or feeling mistreated and wanting to defend ourselves, but when we can recognize this and unhook ourselves that’s when we really have the freedom to free ourselves and move on to a flight plan.

9 things you can do right now to take the hook out of yourself and fly free

1. Giving a care about what others think

When you care too much about what others say about you good or bad, you live your life for them and not yourself. If you are basing your self-worth on their opinions of you whether they are good or bad, you are gauging how you feel about yourself by someone else. The truth is how people judge your journey is really about their journey never yours. Let go of people who rob you of your peace, especially yourself

2. Feeling a need to be right all the time and constantly defending yourself.

In the end it’s between you and spirit, never them! You always know in your heart what your intent and integrity was in any situation, so find peace in the knowing that you don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

3.The gremlins in your head insisting that you be perfect.

As “Ronny Cammareri” says in the movie “Moonstruck”, “We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts!”… We are spiritual beings having a human experience in a flesh suit, riding a rock that is hurtling through space. That’s a miracle enough for one lifetime don’t ya think?

4. Giving a care about Past mistakes

Every single “mistake” you made got you to where you are right now… you’ve been through some major shit. Name it, claim it and recognize how far you’ve come. Honor every stone in the road and let them go! You won’t need them where you are headed, it’s easier to fly with those gorgeous earth angel wings when you are not weighted down.

5. A hook is a hook is a hook

My theory is 1 out of roughly every 8 situations in your life, be it people, situations or your own self- defeating doubts,  are going to show up to test your spiritual fortitude. They reflect back to you your kindness, goodwill and compassion. This is spirit showing up to let you see how far you’ve come and how far you have to go. Honor the baby steps.

6. Wondering about “What ifs”

That which truly belongs to you can never pass you by trust that spirit is conspiring for you in all situations in your life and that it is also divinely protecting you. Some things we wish happened in our lives and not receiving them were actually blessings in disguise, they put us on a more empowered path on our earth angel journey. 

7.Worrying about the future.

The only moment we can control how we react and behave is RIGHT NOW. When you are worried about the future you are not only robbing yourself of your peace of mind in the now, you are also creating everything in a “pool of anxiety!” Stay in your heart space and love yourself through everything that’s where the “future” juicy bits are created.

8. Forgive everything

Forgive everyone and everything including yourself. People are going to break your heart it happens to everyone at one time or another. Remember the lesson and leave the rest behind. You can’t change the past but don’t let the past rob you of your current happiness. You are worthy of living a peaceful and fulfilling life and letting that shit go.

9. Love yourself through everything.

Trust me, loving yourself through everything isn’t easy but the rewards are immeasurable. You are the only “you” living in your flesh-suit. Honor you in all ways, always. Bring yourself back to your heart space every time you feel a hook gently and lovingly unhook yourself treat yourself like you would a small child. Unlearning everything that never belonged to you is a process and healing and peeling takes time. The more layers you heal away the more healthy self-worthy loving layers grow. We are all works in progress that’s why we are “here”, you’ve already arrived… the trick is to love yourself through everything so you can thrive in this life!

Meaning of the phrase “off the hook”: When you are freed from an obligation “On the hook” – caught in a difficult or dangerous situation.

Elizabeth Lindsay is proud to announce that she is now working as a clairvoyant spiritual light-warrior and counselor at  www.12listen.com Elizabeth Lindsay is a creative soul whose life journey and passion has evolved into helping others empower themselves. Elizabeth has the innate ability to tune in and tap into your spirit guides and energy to offer clear concise answers and tools that give you a fresh perspective as well as raise your vibration. Elizabeth’s goal is to always help you get unstuck, move forward and leave her company feeling confident in the knowing that you are honoring yourself and your soul’s growth.  Be it a need for clearing a vibrational blockage, a quick answer, or an in-depth dive into the realms of possibilities she will help guide you into your personal power and strength.

Lighthouses, storms and carabiners

My mother was my carabiner*. She let me take risks, she let me out on the ledge to develop my own independent skills but she always kept a watchful eye for me and could reel me back on a safety line to prevent me from going over the edge.

She was also my anchor and my lighthouse; she was someone that could let me take risks while still grounding me by being a beacon of light when I could not find my own way. How blessed I am to have had such an amazing soul! Now that she’s gone, I realize what an incredible role model she was, not only because she was brave and extraordinary, but because she let me build the tools that allowed me to believe that I had the power within me to do the same.  

When my mother died there were two deaths, hers and mine, and I had to learn how to live in this world without her in it.  I soon found myself in troubled waters… I had a life threatening illness for over two years and my entire life was capsized. I needed my old tools, but I needed some new ones too, and thanks to my Mother’s good guidance I had the wherewithal to create some.  During this reconstruction of what I call “the dark night of the soul”, I didn’t know I was becoming a lighthouse, I was just trying to survive.  I began constructing myself one layer at a time and I had some tremendous help along the way. You don’t just wake up one day as a lighthouse; it takes time to build one brick at a time.

Just like every single brick it took to become a lighthouse, there was a mentor, a friend and a teacher that helped guide me, support me and lead me into my power. INTO as in within myself… it’s an extraordinary thing when you get to the point in your life that you can stay in your power in your own authority and not be pulled into the chaos and turbulence around you, but still be a guiding light for others.

I’ve discovered through this journey that I’m here to help people just like a safety line on a carabiner, while they work at strengthening their baby wings. The more they get worked out, the stronger they become, and I’m right there holding their kite string, I’m not going to let them fly to far away or fall too far. It’s not that I’m wiser, it’s just that I’ve had more chances to fly and to fall lately, and it’s my turn to be one of your bricks in the lighthouse you don’t know you are becoming yet! There’s a reason the lighthouse is on the edge of the shore as a beacon of light to be witnessed by the ones in the storm because that is where the light is needed. This light guides us back to our very souls; to our very own empowerment that light is reminding us that we are here to live on the edge and not just survive, but to thrive.  So now that I’m clear on my path, I’m helping people stay on the edge witnessing them taking risks and assisting them in listening to their souls because the “Edge” is very important right now so much so that many of us are teetering out there with baby wings. As a collective we’ve never been here before but so many of us are discovering that we must listen to our hearts that are literally screaming at us beating so loudly in our ribcages to be heard and followed! 

My mama always said “Beth breathe and do the brave thing” and my heart always knew she was right. That advice has carried me through to this very moment.

So I pass these most precious words onto you…Breathe and do the brave thing, don’t be afraid in the dark to turn on your light and show who you really are. Be a tiny spark in the dark so that the other tiny sparks will find you that’s all they need and then you’ll see you are not alone, you never ever were. You are in a sea of tiny sparks of light all of who just had to find each other and the more you do this the bigger the glow will grow and before you know it …………… you’ll be a blaze and amazed! The light house lights up to show us the way. Everyone lost in the dark will have a path to see a way through and then you’ll be there guiding people on the edge of the dark inspiring and working your way up the path with people wanting to follow you and understand how you got there, that’s how it works, that’s how it has always worked. And when you are confused or lost on that path, there is a lighthouse leading the way for everyone, you just need to take that next baby step.  

One match lights a thousand candles a thousand candles lights up the night the night becomes so bright that everyone else is blinded by the light and their baby peepers open because the light simply cannot be ignored or denied.

It’s becoming a glorious bonfire and you’re the in the middle of a marvelous beach party.

Each journey is as unique as is everyone’s own soul blueprint, but we all need help and guidance in the baby steps we take. No one is more important, we are all just at different spiritual stepping stones on the path we all need a lighthouse. I’m just a few steps ahead of you that’s why I know what I know I’ve walked those stairs each one became a brick in my lighthouse, that’s why I can lend you my insights and guide you there.   

So go INTO and listen to your soul. Knowing that now you are making a decision from your soul and not your head and especially not from dread or in the belief that you should stay small because making choices from fear is no longer going to work. You can’t be a lighthouse and stay small. It’s not selfish to do what your soul tells you do, the rest will fall away or fall into place, stay in your heart space, it will never steer you wrong. Living on the edge brings gifts spirit can imagine, way bigger than you could ever imagine for yourself. You’ll need to shine bright in your power for these gifts to find you. We need more beacons of light. The scariest step on the journey to becoming a light house is the first one I’m here to remind you that it’s time. How do I know? I know because you probably wouldn’t have read this all the way through if you were not indeed a lighthouse in the making, thanks for letting me be a brick!

*A rock climbing tool that keeps climbers from falling off a cliff

It’s time to choose how you want to react and act in this world. This is one of the only things in life you have truly have control over. Let the snarkity miserable people behave badly; hell let them wallow in it until their fingers are all prune-y. Let’s get real… sometimes it can be fun witnessing someone escalating on the edge, especially when they’ve just been rude to you. You know what’s even more glorious? Witnessing someone who stays in their power and refuses to engage in someone else’s rage, that’s splendid!
My husband always says “One out of eight people is out to ruin your day”, and you know what, I think there is some truth to that. Do let me spin it this way; roughly one out of eight encounters in your day is out to test your patience and spiritual growth. So next time you have an encounter with a snarkity person on the ledge who just cut you off, or cut in line in front of you, or cut you with a sharp remark on their tongue, remember to … stop, breathe, reel yourself back in from their Tasmanian Devil spin… don’t get swept up in their toxic tumbleweeds.

Remind yourself who you are… You are a Light Warrior who’s traveled far on their spiritual path and you’ve got some badass Teflon knowing that shit can’t stick to you, especially if you believe it has nothing to do with you. Recognize they are showing you their pain because only someone in pain would treat another human being the way they just treated you. Smile your best smile with compassion and shine a little bit love on them, they clearly desperately need it. Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back Light Warrior as you kindly walk away knowing your work here is done.
Until the next one…. (There’s always a next one)

Wings UP Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up, Shine Up and Never Give Up!

Elizabeth Lindsay is the founder of Angel with an Edge and is building an army of earth angels who are spreading love and light throughout the universe, one earth angel at time. Learn more about Elizabeth and her movement at www.angelwithanedge.com and join her each Wednesday at 11:00AM-PSTon her radio show Angel With an Edge show, www.12.radio.com

We ALL have the ability to raise the vibration of the planet and the people around us by standing in our truth and authenticity and keeping our boundaries. If you are willing to do just that, the truth is we as a collective social consciousness have never needed you more than now! Just as Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”, you must consider what you are putting out into the world. The time to take things personally from other people’s behavior is over, so is standing on the sidelines as a spectator. You have the power right there inside your brave beating heart. It’s time to truly choose how you want to react and act in this world. Don’t let the negative, dark, unhappy people determine how you will behave.  For as long as I can remember I have loved the singer and songwriter “James Taylor”, remember his song “Shower the people you love with love”? I’m going to take a little artistic licensing here and say, how about we just shower everyone with love and light, the wrong and the right, (I don’t think James will mind). So here is what I’ve learned, if you want to burn you must ignite your light, name it, claim it, and don’t contain it. This year I thought long and hard about the title “Light Worker”, and why that doesn’t perfectly work for me. I’m not “working” anything I’m claiming my right and my light inside of me. I feel so strongly that I am willing to fight for it. So I’ve started calling myself a “Light Warrior”.

Whatever badass superhero name works for you to raise the vibration of our beautiful planet please choose it, and if you don’t need a title that’s cool too. I believe this is my time to shine by living the truth directly from within this heart of mine because it has never steered me wrong.  I am a warrior of light so much so that I’m willing to fight for it. I hope you’ll consider joining me and fan the flames with your Wings Up!

We all contain fires that burn within. Shine your light so bright the dark can’t win. Light Warriors Unite!

Wings UP Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up, Light Up and Never Give Up!

Elizabeth Lindsay is the founder of Angel with an Edge and is building an army of earth angels who are spreading love and light throughout the universe, one earth angel at time. Learn more about Elizabeth and her movement at www.angelwithanedge.com   and join her each Wednesday at 11:00AM-PSTon her radio show Angel With an Edge show, www.12.radio.com

THE DIFFUSER CONFUSER

(The fed up in me reflects the fed up in you back to you. Wait what? )

Let’s face it, no matter how much spiritual work you’ve done on yourself; there is always that one incident that shows up to test your kindness and patience skills. That “friend” on social media that keeps testing you with their differing point of view by posting it on your page instead of theirs! Or does this scenario sound familiar?  Brunch with family members you love but have political views that you don’t agree with.  If you acted on your feelings you might jump up from the table and throw a mimosa in their face before marching out of the restaurant looking like a lunatic (yeah don’t judge!).  Well next time you find yourself in a pinch, I’ve got a simple spiritual tool that will save you!

Simply imagine you have a miners cap on your head but instead of a light you’ve got a mirror,  aim your mirror back at the irritating subject and allow what they are saying to you to bounce back to them. Of course they won’t know that you’ve reflected their behavior back to them, but you will feel a great sense of relief and confuse the heck out of them at the same time. It’s a great diffuser for your unwanted irritation and confusing them is just a bonus. It’s a DIFFUSSER CONFUSER and it works like a charm.

The next time those “Velcro Gremlins” manage to attach themselves to you and you’re wanting  to rip them off of you as compassionately as possible…try flipping down your imaginary headgear mirror and your badass rejection, good vibes protection shield will start doing its work and reflect them back to them. So you can sit back, enjoy your mimosa and witness spirit working in your favor in all its splendid glory. It works wonders and the more you use it the more you deflect those little Velcro suckers!

In some cases you can use a real physical mirror: For example I love animals but I don’t love my neighbors dogs barking every single time someone passes by on the sidewalk. About a month ago I decided to try this little experiment and placed a mirror on the side of my house facing my neighbor’s house and since then I am happy to report that the barking has been cut in half.

If it’s true that the eyes are the mirror of the soul then it also seems true that we can’t create a world of all like-minded souls, or control them. But the next time your patience is tested try putting up your “diffuser confuser” when you can’t immediately get out of a situation and you’ll see a lot more of what you carry in your own heart and a lot less of other people’s reflections and projections!

Wings UP Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up, keep your Wings Up and Never Give Up!

Elizabeth Lindsay is the founder of Angel with an Edge and is building an army of earth angels who are spreading love and light throughout the universe, one earth angel at time. Learn more about Elizabeth and her movement at www.angelwithanedge.com   and join her each Wednesday at 11:00AM-PSTon her radio show Angel With an Edge show, www.12.radio.com

The other day a friend from high school commented on my FB post. She posted this in response to one of my “Wings Up” posts:

“One day I hope to love and cherish myself as you do. I am working on it! I love your positive self-love lessons!”

And my response was this …
“Sweets, I’m on this path every single day. It’s what we all came here to do. I’m learning to love myself through everything, but I have certainly not mastered it. If I can do it, so can you, Mary Lou! : ) XO”

I’ve done a lot of thinking about this post, and I’d like to clarify something, and this is it: I’m on this path with you, and I really want to clarify that I’ve perfected nothing! I don’t even think perfection is attainable. I spent nearly half a decade trying to achieve it. When you see my inspirational posts about keeping your wings up, it’s because I need to hear it, too. I’m building an army of earth angels because we are all on the edge of something, and that includes me! Awhile back, I went through a really scary time, and it’s a miracle that I’m healthy and alive. Once you have a life threatening crisis it changes many things, and the biggest thing it changed in me was my need to speak authentically from my heart, regardless of the backlash. I don’t want to die with my heart closed off and shut down. My goal is to use up my entire heart! Then I can be the gal that died with no heart because she gave it all way. Now there’s a new spin on heartless. I believe we only live with regrets when we betray our own hearts. All I know is if I follow my heart and listen to it, it screams less loudly inside of me to get my attention and be heard. Now every day I go inside my heart and the depths of my soul, and that’s where I’ve found many gifts I came into this lifetime with that had been forgotten.

We all choose to be here at a soul level. I believe we choose our parents and our families,
and the experiences, good and bad, to help us learn compassion for everyone, including ourselves. We all come from the same creator, and the sooner we come back to our soul truth, the sooner we empower ourselves. A long time ago, as a child of 4 or 5, because of abuse and trauma, I shut down and I folded and packed away my wings. I hid them in such a deep place that even I forgot them. But my wings would not be denied, and they would not let me live this lifetime without being remembered and honored. I thank that little girl for being braver than me, for keeping my wings safe for me, and for being my memory. She’s the bravest soul I know. My wings are my metaphor for empowerment. I shut down and hid my power because I knew it would be taken from me, and it was too precious not to be mine. That which is truly yours can never, ever pass you by.

I spent most of my life having something to prove and kicking shit to the curb. I sold my work to many celebrities, I sold my creations nationally to such stores as Neiman Marcus. I eventually had my own store and many people thought of me as a success, but I never really did. Of course, I had proud moments, like designing the 10 year commemorative pin for Race For the Cure, which I did with love in honor of my Mother and two aunts who all had breast cancer. There are bits and pieces of pride, but most of them are ego-based. Then, I got really ill, like life threatening ill. I had two major surgeries, I lost my car, I lost my artist owned shop, and I went bankrupt. Now? I don’t push anything. I don’t force a dang thing! I allow, I receive, I be …“Just be”. I had to allow myself to accept that I was worthy of receiving. Think that’s easy? Try it. I think you’ll be surprised by the depths of the journey you’ll be embarking on. I’m not saying you have to have a near death experience to understand this, to transform yourself onto the path of learning to love yourself, just that this is what happened to me. I literally had to have my entire world turned upside down and my own mortality threatened, to understand that I was pushing myself through everything and not loving myself through very much. I can honestly say now, right now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been with myself. Happiness is an inside job, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t contagious. If you’ve got something to share that will make this world a more loving place, please don’t contain it! We need more of that in the world. Don’t wait for someday to be brave. The only way to be brave is to be scared, and do it anyway. This is your day, right now! When you rise up and speak from your heart, magical, serendipitous things will begin to happen. I know this for a fact, because it happened to me.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been busy recovering, healing and reacquainting myself with who I really am and that little girl that protected me so well. I’ve survived a lot, I’ve unlearned a lot, and I’ve learned to trust a lot. I know in my bones that we’ve got to love ourselves through everything and that can only be done by walking this path of love, one baby step at a time with intention, bravery, truth and authenticity.

I’ve been on a big adventure these past few years. A lot of it has been public, on my radio show, and a lot of it internal. It may surprise you to know that I’m actually scared to reveal my inner knowing, because I spent the first 50 years of my life keeping it shut down and hidden. I resisted my truth, but my truth was relentless and would not let me rest, and neither would my spirit. I might be afraid, but I’m outing myself-coming out of the spiritual closet, right now, by revealing myself to you. My entire life I’ve seen things and I’ve known things intuitively. I can see and feel things about other people, too and I resisted it, I locked it up in my own rib-cage and now I’m setting it free. You don’t have to follow me, you don’t have to like me or even believe me, that’s okay. But you know what? I do! I have to stand in my truth, I have to love myself through as much as I can, and I have to lead by example and I have to speak from heart until it is all used up.

I’m an intuitive, creative, light warrior goddess, and I intend on honoring myself in all ways, always! I’m on a new road with lots of anticipation, trepidation and excitement, while I’m exploring and tapping into my spiritual gifts. I can hardly wait to see where my wings will take me, and I’m looking forward to my new flight plan immensely. I came here to be the light and to lead by example. Many of us can agree we’ve fallen on some dark times, but I’ve got too many good things to do and too many things I am passionate about. I’m now about making things happen, like raising the vibration of everyone and everything around me, even the ones that drive me nuts and bug the shit out of me, and yes, that happens to me all the time! Just because I am a light warrior doesn’t mean I’m airy, fairy rainbows and unicorns all the time. Of course not, the edge is there for a reason!

The dark side… they love Light workers. They love the peaceful people like us raising the vibration. They are literally like moths to the flame. Their energy can feel that you’ve got something wonderful that they don’t have, and they want to eat you and consume you . Literally, they are vacuums of the light … but they can’t they cannot control the light. They don’t have any power over it, because they don’t know how it works. They are in awe, so they want to cover it, consume it like perfume, they want to breath it in until it is gone, because that is the only way they can touch the light. It is that unknown to them.

We came here to be the light. That light is getting brighter and brighter. It may appear the world is getting darker, but that is not true. The only reason you are seeing so much dark is because the LIGHT makes it stand out. The dark under light has nowhere to hide. It tries, but it always bubbles to the surface and gives itself away, and this is exactly what is happening on our planet, in the human consciousness right now. And guess what? The LIGHT is not going away. The MOTH is much much smaller than the flame, and the flame has mesmerized the moth. The moth has very little power, but it knows how to flap its wings and create great shadows and abrupt movements and distractions, but that doesn’t give it power. It’s exhausted fighting the light it can’t consume. The dark is being extinguished and it knows it, and it’s throwing its last tantrum!

If this resonates with you, I hope you’ll join me in staying authentic and being the light and love we wish to see in this world. I truly believe love and light will win, and this is the beginning of a new, loving world. It’s just on the horizon, it’s sunrise time! Hold on tight, be the light, and keep the faith. When I’m HEARTLESS, I’ll know I’ve accomplished this life’s task here on earth school. And if I die heartless by using it all up before I depart this planet, then I’ll know I followed the spirit and the voice of my own heart, by uplifting others on the journey to self-love, until I didn’t have one bit of it left! But, you can bet I’m bringing my wings with me!

A plea to my friends and foes
I have the biggest bravest heart beating inside my ribcage. Human hearts are wild creatures perhaps that’s why our ribs are cages, better our ribs be cages than our hearts be savages. I’m loyal to a fault. Please don’t say something is purple when it is yellow and expect me to keep the truth trapped in my throat.
I will always fight for the underdog and I will always fight for what is right, the light. So don’t you cross me or someone I love. It would be wise to remember that I’m a Native New Yorker and I’ll kick your crap to the curb. Stop fighting to climb that pile of bullshit you’ve made into a mountain just to prove that you can. When you get to the top you will be just standing on a pile of dung you have not won. I have more compassion in my pinky finger and I’m way brighter and sparklier (yes I know that is not a word) than you can imagine. This isn’t a competition I truly want what’s best for all concerned. I’m a dog with a bone I never forget and I won’t let you either until you learn that hate is never the way.
I believe in the goodness of people and in turning the other cheek and I don’t believe in defeat.
I believe peace, integrity, authenticity, compassion and love are the best things you can wear every day before you open your front door and head out into this world
I believe God / Spirit will take care of others wrong doings way better than I could ever imagine. And for this I am grateful and I can sleep.
I believe in lifting people up and if they fall providing them the safest most loving place to land. I believe if you look down upon them it should only be to give them your hand.
I believe together, united, respected, honored, valued and loved we can get way more shit done and I believe in the power of prayer for everyone. I believe the power of many is greater than the power of one.
I believe A soul is nourished by what it GIVES not by what it receives.
I believe that Keeping your heart open & full of compassion is an extraordinary strength especially in the world we have created today.
I believe we all can love ourselves through anything as long as long as we remember that we all came from the same creator and we all get out alive in another form to transform and move on hopefully for the better.
We can’t live in the land of puppies and laughing babies and unicorns and rainbows we can visit but we don’t get to stay NOT on earth school on earth school we are here to get shit done.
I for one am doing that and if I inspire one person out there to do the same than all that loving myself through everything is working. I highly recommend you show up and try it I’m not saying it’s easy but we need you. We as a human race we all need you to show up and get your shit done.
Thank you

I’ve always had a weird connection to Easter and my father. When I was young, I remember being terrified of a gigantic, human-sized Easter bunny looming over me with a hard plastic distorted bunny face yelling a muffled, “Happy Easter” from inside itself. It scared the shit out of me! There is a picture of my brother and me holding up a sign that reads, “Happy Easter”. This big production, I presume, was for my grandparents because they lived in the south and evidence of a Happy Easter was required. I have no idea, all I know is I have been creeped out by men in Easter bunny suits ever since. Nothing about a fake bunny suit is comforting or festive. On the contrary, it makes my skin crawl! I have the same aversion with clowns, but I have no recollection of any early clown occurrence that would cause this kind of reaction from me for the rest of my adult life.

My father’s death certificate says he died of Leukemia, but I am pretty certain he actually died of AIDS in the early 80’s before there was a name for the virus. At that time, gay men in New York were dropping like flies and being refused medical care in hospitals for fear of contagion.

It was very important to my father that things always looked “good” regardless of how they really were. I’m sure I was balling my eyes out seconds before that picture of me holding up the “Happy Easter” sign was taken and that a big fight with my father saying, “Dry your eyes, brush your hair, you’re being silly, and we are trying to take a picture” occurred. But, you would have no idea looking at that photo taken of us, a cute brother and sister around 4 and 5- as seemingly happy, well-rounded, carefree children, but nothing could be further from the truth.

As I child of divorced parents, I learned a great deal about paradoxes at a very early age. I spent my childhood from the age of four up in two very different homes. My mother was very much “what you see is what you get”, and my father was very much “ keep up appearances regardless of how crappy things really are”. So, not only was my father into a big façade, he was also a defeatist by always looking at it as how crappy things are rather than things are pretty damn good all things considered! I had limited visitations with him as a child-every other weekend and one week night- and quite frankly, I was lucky for it. Had I had more time with him I doubt that my relationship with him would have been “closer” or more cohesive. As the years progressed I would probably have been more of rebel than I am and at a much earlier age than 12. That’s when I got messed up with the wrong crowd and drugs and I begged my Mother to send me away to school so I could basically leave my father.

I actually don’t think my father really wanted to even be a father, much less be married to a woman, but he thought that was what was “expected” to look good. It was all a façade and unreal as much as that hard plastic, human head-sized bunny mask…

All of it was for “show”.

I never really went to church as a child except on vacations with our father, to visit his family in North Carolina, because that was the “southern way” and it was certainly the way he was raised. My brother and I would be put on parade in our Sunday best clothes, which frankly were never “good enough”, and I would listen to my grandmother ask me, “What in the world does your  mother do- she lets you run around with holes and stains on your clothes? If she hadn’t left your father, you would have such beautiful clothes.” She would spend an exorbitant amount of money on “church” clothes, shoes, etc. that we would never use again (the Greenwich Village lifestyle did not support Sunday school best!).

Then she would parade my brother and me all over town “VISITING” her friends, berating our mother- “Well you should have seen how these two showed up!” We would dread Sunday when we would be dropped off early in our new, uncomfortable, stiff, imposter clothing to be a part of SUNDAY SCHOOL with a bunch of children that looked at us like we were aliens. And of course, we were! We didn’t know the hymns, the bible, the procedures or how Sunday School actually worked. It was awful. Then we would sit in church all lined up in a pew with my father and grandparents and act as if this were the most normal of situations.

I didn’t know my father was a homosexual or bisexual until after his death, when I was 18. I wouldn’t have cared if he was gay, purple or an alien, all I cared about was how he treated me. He didn’t treat me very well until the end of his life, and at that point it just felt like a “plea bargain” with “God” or the great “Beyond”. It was rather pathetic to me actually. I had great compassion that my father was sick, and I was grateful that it made him a “softer” human being, but I had little compassion for the mentality that now he was going to live his life a certain way because it felt as if he were making a bargaining chip with God-that if he found God perhaps his soul would be saved. This was not a true connection, a loving embrace, an opening of faith and trust, it was simply an act of fear.

One time, I remember my father being authentic. I was 16 and he came to my school in Massachusetts. We walked alone and ended up at the outside basketball court in front of my Senior English group.  He started crying and he leaned his head on my shoulder, sobbing and telling me he was afraid to die. I was flabbergasted, I had no idea who this creature was. I was just beginning my life and we did not have a relationship of intimacy. It was as if he wanted us to be something we never were. A part of me resented being told this burden- how the hell was I supposed to comfort him or even know what to say? The other part of me felt helpless and embarrassed, as I knew my schoolmates in senior English class- which contained my 3 best friends and my boyfriend- were all watching this scenario play out before them. It was one of them most awkward moments of my life.

My entire life I’ve had two things I simply have no tolerance for: defeatism and being unauthentic. Flash forward to the spring vacation when I was home the year I was 17. My father had visitation for Easter weekend and wanted to go to church. So I dressed in my Sunday Best, whatever that was, and I managed to find something suitable. We went to church- something we NEVER did in all my years in NYC- and as we sat in that pew and I pretended to know the verses of the songs and play along with the rest of the congregation, I realized that my father was so desperate to find some solace- but never did. He looked for everything from outside himself instead of going within and looking for his faith there. It was a feeble last attempt to be something he wasn’t because that was what was “expected”.

I spent my 18th year in New York City, after graduating high school in May, visiting my father while he was declining. In and out of hospitals and visits, while my 3 best friends and my boyfriend all rented a house in San Francisco and started going to college. My father and I made some sort of peace that summer, as much as you can cram a lifetime into less than a precious year, while his health slowly weakened and my resentment of not having my freedom and my young life with my friends in California grew. By October he was gone. I think he died peacefully in that he did not suffer too much physically, but I don’t think he ever found that “inner peace” or “faith” he strived so desperately to grasp in trying to find God -because I believe he always felt separate from God.

I realize now, in my adulthood, that soul growth comes with life experience, and my father’s fear of being who he was not only kept him separate from God, It kept him separate from everyone he loved, including me. I feel blessed that I have always, even as a small child, know that God = Love and love resides in me. I believe in Jesus as a great teacher and a healer and I felt his presence around me when I survived a grave illness last year and since my recovery he has never left me. I realize i kept the “traditional” Jesus separate from my own heart prior to this experience because I associated him with the fear and judgmental guilt ridden, limited church going days of my childhood and my father. Now I hold my father’s memory in my brave authentic heart and I can be authentic for both of us while he remains in my heart for safekeeping until we meet again. If Jesus can rise, I see no reason why we can’t either, so now I can celebrate Easter for what it has always been a glorious rebirth and the promise of a new beginning.

Listen in on my new radio show!
Wednesdays on 12radio.com at 11am PST.

Earlier this year I had a lifesaving surgery. When I was discharged from the hospital, I was so enthusiastic to take life by the balls, in this case wings, that the universe decided I needed more time to rest and decided to give me an open wound the size of a tennis ball, right smack in the middle of my gut! It was a ghastly, unsightly, painful, persistent little bugger that had a nurse visiting my home for the next six weeks. It also required me to be on pain medication. So, when a new, amazing opportunity fell into my lap, I didn’t even get that it had been offered to me!

It turns out I had been offered my very own radio show! I clearly didn’t comprehend this. My friend, Jennifer, kept telling me Mark Husson was offering me the chance to have a show on 12Radio.com, and I should at least check it out (because it’s a Gemini New Moon and I have no idea what that means except for the fact that my friend Jenn is almost always right). Convinced Jenn was confused, I reluctantly reached out to Mark, and I was completely shocked when he told me to contact Kristi, who would be my producer. It took me nearly a week to contact her because I was absolutely convinced that when she did reply to my e-mail she was going to ask me, “Who the heck are you and what are you talking about?” Well, Kristi (my producer, GULP)! couldn’t have been more lovely or supportive. After our first phone meeting, I hung up the phone and felt like puking, which is usually a sign for me that I am doing the brave thing and exciting things will come of it.

What do you do when a radio show falls in your lap and you are building an army of angels? YOU SAY, “YES”. Sir Richard Branson says, “If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later.” So, um, later has arrived. Ay yi yi, and I’m learning as I’m going and I’m counting on you, yes, you! If you are reading this, I’m guessing you’ve found this somewhat interesting and are probably willing to read the rest if it doesn’t go on too long and get really boring!

So, like I mentioned I’m building an Army of Angels, not perfect heavenly angels, hell no! I’m looking for angels here on earth. You know, the kind that get up every day and try to do the best they can even though life keeps throwing a wrench at them? The reason I’m building this army of like-minded souls is simple. I am selfish, and I really can’t do this alone. I’ve spent the first 50 years of my life waiting until I was thin enough, brave enough, smart enough. While I was in the hospital waiting for my pathology report, I realized that waiting was exactly that, “waiting”, and it was a complete waste of time it. It accomplished nothing and it just left me, WAITING. I figure I’m about 80% good and 20% somewhat rotten (feel free to pick your own ratio) and that’s about as good as it is ever going to get! I’m learning to love myself, flaws and all, because I can’t wait anymore, and you know what? I’ll just DIE if on the day I die I’m not loving myself and I’m still waiting on myself to show up and do the brave thing. I realize this is not an easy thing to do, but I’ve run out of options because I simply can’t live with myself without learning how to love myself. How about you?

Here’s the secret I discovered in that hospital bed …..you are the “IT” in the shit and you should own it. So, I’ve started this movement called Angel with An Edge. I am on the edge. I’ve finally realized I will always be on the edge of something, and we are ALL on the edge of something. All for one and one for all! I mean where is that safe place where you can fall? I’m tired of the haters, and I’m sick of the judgments. I just want to live in a world of respect.

I’ve come to several conclusions…

• I don’t have to like you, but I will respect you enough to agree to disagree.
• Earth angels are all around us, and they show up in the most miraculous of ways and at perfect times.
• It is my job to take care of me and your job to take care of you, but it’s nice to know you have an army of angels that have your back.
• This world has fought and hated since man began, and we don’t seem to be any better off for it.

I believe there are two things worth fighting for: LOVE and PEACE. I have become a soldier of love and a warrior of peace. So, I’m not going to wait anymore. I’m just going to wing it and go for it and have faith that everything will fall into place!

I’m not reinventing the wheel. I get that this isn’t rocket science. I’ve heard a great deal from some “spiritual teachers” that, at least to me, seem to portray themselves as all good or too good to be true, and I’m just saying, “Let’s keep the real in the deal”. Think of my Angel With an Edge movement as an invitation, or an initiation, or even a recruitment, for your soul.

Please join me for the kickoff of my radio show starting this Wednesday, Sept. 9th on 12radio.com at 11am PST. I WANT YOU!!! I can’t tell you how much it would mean to me if you would consider listening and even calling in. Let me know how WE can keep our wings up and make this world we live in a better place, together, by building an army of angels that are perfectly imperfect.

– Elizabeth

Julie is our Angel with an Edge all the way from Sydney, Australia! She is a world traveler and Zen Coach. Watch her video to learn more…

Diana is an Angel with an Edge and creator of Molé Mama. Her passion is sharing her love for food and heirloom recipes. Listen to her story below…

This amazing video captures the essence of Angel with an Edge and how it came about. Hear Elizabeth’s inspiring story that started this movement!

It all started with this group of amazing women. We all came together through a book proposal writing course comprised of roughly 30 people, and eight of us became fast friends and confidants. We met via the internet twice a month and encouraged each other to continue on our creative paths. Diana has an interactive book in the works called, “Mole Mama”. It is about the journey of losing her mother and the love of her mother’s food. It is a recipe and support book for the bereaved. Diana shared that she has never been able to get her mother’s tortillas exactly right. I can relate, as I’ve kept two crates of my Mother’s recipes from the days she had a restaurant, and many of them I can’t get quite right. These recipes serve 100 people and I’ll never get that recipe right for, oh, say 10 people, but I still can’t bear to part with them. My mother used to love that song with the lyrics, “Someone left the cake out in the rain and I’ll never have that recipe again”…

I love Diana, and I love that she understands my heartache about the loss of my mother and I love that she honors her Mother and remembers her through the joy of food the same as I do. In another life, Diana and I would have been neighbors or our kids would have gone to the same school. But in this one, we have never met in person. We live thousands of miles apart, but it is as if we were only in the next room from each other. She called me the night before my debut as a guest on a radio show and she left a message saying, “I know you are going to do just great!” She has no idea how much that support meant to me, but I do know a new soul connection at this time in my life is rare and precious and I’m lucky enough to have more than just one.

This month’s project for our group, which we named, “Where the Magic Happens”, is to support Diana and “Mole Mama”. She did a live cooking presentation for the seven of us via the internet in a skype-like chat room. On her counter were a bunch of Gerber daisies, one of my favorite flowers. While Diana was busy mixing the batter, I inquired if that is her favorite flower, as they are mine. I stated that they reminded me of Minnie Mouse and later she mentioned how much her dearly departed mother loved Disneyland, and I told her maybe that was her mother speaking through me. I’m pretty positive it was as I could feel Diana’s mother beaming with pride as she showed us her grandmother’s Molcajete. We have serendipitous things happening like this all the time. Our “homework” this week is to make a recipe that we’ve eaten often, that was made by someone that loved you, and to make it for someone you’ve never made it for before. We are supposed to write down the amount of times we have had this recipe made for us throughout our lifetimes.

I chose my mother’s lemon bread.

The last time I made lemon bread was a year ago visiting my Aunt Adelaide with my sister. My aunt was nearing the end of her life and we went on a little adventure, that as it turns out, was really a journey to say goodbye. And we made lemon bread. It was a bittersweet experience, just like eating this particular lemon bread – sweet and juicy with a tart kick. Adelaide insisted the lemon bread recipe came from her, and my mom insisted it was her very own. Truth be told, it is a combination of the very best part of both of them, because they both made this recipe with love for the ones they loved. So when I got to Asheville, NC, what did I do? I baked in Adelaide’s kitchen, with my sister Cami, like my mother would do, because it is a way to show our love.

As soon as I take a bite I am thrown back into the Greenwich Village of my youth and I am running down the tree lined, cobblestoned streets and the brownstones, passing Mrs. Reardon, who was always sweeping her stoop and waving her hands with the broom in the air and yelling at the neighborhood kids passing by. “Keep off the stairs, mind ya!”, she said in her Irish accent. I am instantly teleported back to my mother’s restaurant, The Front Porch, which was in Greenwich Village, around the corner from our apartment. It used to be a pharmacy and had the old large glass jars with labels that no one gave any value to except that there was instant décor, and so they remained on the shelves as you sat and dined in this tiny corner restaurant. As soon as I opened the door, it smelled amazing and familiar and I felt safe and protected from the busy city life outside. I was a latchkey kid, and I grew up on The Front Porch food. After school I would drive the waitresses crazy being bossy and demanding, and usually eating whatever they decided to bring me at a table – lemon bread, vegetarian chili, and hot cider with a cinnamon stick. They put up with me only because I was the owner’s kid!

I am swept away to a later time in the loft on the 7th floor at our apartment on 15th street, where for Thanksgiving we would have nearly 60 people, friends and family, each bringing their own tasty dish to share. I am in the all-white kitchen making the whipped cream, repeatedly asking my mother if it is done yet because I have no idea that this is a precious task that I will miss for the remainder of my life after 44. Nope, I am wishing I was in the back of the loft on the fire escape getting secretly stoned and listening to Carole King … “I feel the earth move under my feet” and thinking to myself that time just wouldn’t pass fast enough because I have so many dreams to accomplish. Oh how I wish I knew then what I know now – that I just can’t seem to get time to slow down. I am flooded with memories, and lemon bread was there for all of them. I never realized all of those people, especially my mom, wouldn’t be in the world I was still in someday. Grandma Sara, all four-feet of her looking up at me through Mr. Magoo glasses asking “How’s your love life?”, and Poppy slipping me a sly twenty with a wink as if it were understood this was only between the two of us. “Here you go darling”, he said as if I were the only one. Even though he did the same thing with my siblings. I also recall the time we had a hundred “Iran Sucks” buttons as ornaments on our Chrismakkah tree because of the gas crisis. I so wish I had a picture of this, but it is only in my mind’s eye. Remembering my mom grabbing my arm and saying, “Feel me, I’m having a hot flash.” But she had always felt warm to me and she always had such warm healing hands. I think the indifference of my reaction was always a letdown to her. Now I look up and say, “I get it, Mom.”

I like to think Diana’s mom and my mom are smiling upon us as if they knew this was the plan all along. That in this wonderful, amazing, heartbreaking and creative time in our lives we would meet and we would get along smashingly well. I also like to think that when it’s our time and we’ve lived a life full of fulfilling our dreams and loving our lives as much as we could they’d be on the other side to greet us with warm tortillas and lemon bread. And all would feel almost perfect again, as if none of us had ever parted.

It’s 1:33am and I am so excited that I woke myself up and had to write this, as now I know who I will be making my lemon bread for. I wonder if I freeze two mini loaves and wrap them with bubble wrap and stick them in a flat rate express mail envelope if they will get to Diana in California alright, and if she will taste the love I put into them. I sure hope so. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I figure my number is 844. That’s how many times lemon bread was made for me. But that’s another story…